The assumptions here are that you have a US land line, it has a phone number you've grown attached to, you or someone else in your household prefers to talk on something traditionally phone-like, you want to pay as little as possible for the privilege, that you have a high tolerance for - or ideally derive pleasure from - configuring gadgets, and that pains in the ass don't count as payment for the purposes of the fourth assumption. At this point, we're probably down to me, as there is low or negative correlation for simultaneous applicability of the forgoing assumptions.

There internet …

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